How To: Pregnancy Tests

I have an announcement to make! I, Christina Marie Wolfgram III have been published. By an online art magazine that isn’t even run by my mom! My excitement is immeasurable, and I can imagine that I must look pretty rabid since the girl who was sitting next to me in the library put down all of her things, looked me in the eye, and then immediately packed up her crap and moved to a different computer a few feet away.

I’ll give you a little snippity-snippet of the essay called Testing, and then you should go check it out  at Marco Polo Arts Mag!

            “If you want to have a laugh (or, in my case, a panic attack) follow this link (http://www.thepregnancytester.com/). Let me walk you through this. You type in your name (I typed in Latifa, like Queen Latifa, just in case any of my ex-boyfriends can somehow access my Internet History) and the site takes you to a scanning page, which can apparently sense your hormone levels. You roll your eyes now, but when you think maybe you skipped a pill and now your boob hurts and every Yahoo! board says you are most definitely with child, this website might as well be Peter Jennings on ABC News (cold hard facts).
            Anyway. The website told me that not only am I having a baby, it is a boy fathered by none other than Jesse Jackson. I don’t recall ever meeting, much less you-know-what-ing Mr. Jackson, but at this point, I was beside myself. I decided it was time for a real test with real urine …”

That’s right! I wrote about urine! And I’m over the moon about it! If you missed it last time, here is the link again. Can you tell I’m excited?

Thank you, Darin Beasley (editor-in-chief of Marco Polo), for all your support and this sassy picture!

105 thoughts on “How To: Pregnancy Tests

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