A Contest

People have been so kind to me this week. I sincerely, truly, deeply, whole-heartedly appreciate your support. I joke around a lot, but I’m serious when I say that even little things like your ‘likes’ on Facebook keep me motivated. I can’t even talk about the comments and texts. Or I will cry. Happy tears, so many.


I don’t want all of this positivity to go to my head. So I am holding a contest.


During the first week of December, you can leave a comment on here, on my Facebook, or my Twitter with your best insult. On Saturday, December 8th, I will choose my top three favorite insults! The awards are as follows:

3rd Place: A Paper Towel with a funny compliment on it (because I have run out of computer paper).
2nd Place: A Fairy Tale Written About You (on this blog) AND also A Paper Towel with a funny compliment on it (did I mention that I am a student?).
The Grand Prize: Your very own personal cartoon of yourself. I will even use a stamp and send it to your house in a fancy envelope (okay, it might be a used envelope that I steal from work).

Insult Prize
I will NOT accept any insults that contain:
– Cursing. I’m talking four letter words, hexes and jinxes and stuff like that are fine.
– Racism. Although, I feel like I have no idea how you could insult me racially, let’s just … not, okay? Thanks.
– An actual jab at my personal self. Say whatever you want of my appearance or writing, but if you have real problem with me, I would love to get in a bar fight with you sometime.
– Your Mom insults. I am sorry that I even have to mention this.
– Blonde jokes. Just don’t.

Yay! I am so excited for the onslaught of negativity. In case you are still wondering, this IS serious.

So best of luck to you, you off-balanced, slightly green, smelly bunch of scallywags!!

70 thoughts on “A Contest

  1. Excellent. Let me see:

    Your hair looks like it was dyed with the tears of a pink clown whose quest for gender equality was stamped upon by the abnormally large, red feet of the other clowns.

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  3. You don’t even know that the cake is a lie. The force is not with you. You smell worse than the insides of a tauntaun. People like Jar jar binks more than they like you. You are more useless than Mati (the kid with the power of heart from captain planet). If you were Carmen San Diego when someone asked, where in the world you are, it would be a rhetorical question meaning NO ONE CARES. If life is a box of chocolates, you’d be the kind that gets thrown out at the end cause no one wants it. PINK HAIR IS FOR NINNIES

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  38. Robert, they vary. It’s up for the authors. Many with the letters coming up are handwritten, or hand-notated, it’s about half and half. Though most from the first letters were typed. The fourth letter was a comic.

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