Sporknotes: The Insult

First of all, I don’t get to say this often, but thank you so much to those of you who have been insulting me this past week. It’s been a true joy logging into Facebook, getting excited about notifications, and then finding out that they are all about me being a vegan twig that never bathes (that was a popular one, and you really couldn’t be more spot on).

Before the contest closes on Saturday, I wanted to reflect on the history of the insult. Did someone invent the insult? Who perfected the insult? I did some Googling, and here’s what I found out:

The Bible invented insulting. I’m just kidding. It was cave men.

But really, there are some truly epic insults of Biblical proportion, and you can find some with this fantastic generator.
My favorite so far has been: “Hear this, O thou son of a Philistine, for you will be as welcome as a fart in the queen’s bedchamber!” I mean, if someone yelled that at you on the street, would your day not be 100% more exciting?

There are records of insult contests being held as early as the 13th century. This involved two gentlemen publicly insulting each other while their friends and neighbors cheered and jeered.  I’m assuming it was something quite similar to a rap battle. By the 15th century, the contests got an official name and were called “flytings.”

According to the encyclopedia, those who participated in these shouting matches were considered skillful poets. I’m sure this is true, but I can’t help wondering if “skilled” is another word for “wimpy” and “poet” is another word for “opposite of someone who can sword fight.”  Only allowing poets to compete was also probably the reason why women couldn’t participate because women in the 15th century were too busy dying horrifically during childbirth to get to spin any mad rhymes.

By the early 17th century, Shakespeare was basically the Lady Gaga of England and he was using his favorite insults in his plays. Of course, some of his characters weren’t ninnies and used swords, but before silver could clang, there needed to be some sharp words exchanged. I want to go on and on, but instead, I will share this Shakespeare Insult Kit, which is completely relevant and you should use it on a daily basis.

No one insulted another person until 2004, when Anchorman came out. I’m just kidding. During those three hundred years, there were loads of insults, but they were all mumbled and underhanded and about how many servants your family had. Not stuff you can really use these days.

Now, everything is open. It’s hard to even take insulting seriously now that I’ve seen every episode of South Park.

Okay, whew, that’s enough Wikipedia for one day. I hope you learned something. I did (that the Bible used the word “fart”).  Flyte away, my little ducklings. You are all equally my least favorite.

Please take a moment and press “Recommend” to vote for my short story, The Appointment, in Medium’s Fiction Contest, found HERE. Tell your friends.

Check out the other stories, too; they are fabulous. Yay writers.

62 thoughts on “Sporknotes: The Insult

  1. Yowzers, I can’t think of an insult at demand….let me think about this….hmmmm…..hmmmmm….nope can only come up with “you big girls blouse”
    Somehow that doesn’t seem to work does it? 🙂

  2. I simply want to say I am just all new to blogging and site-building and seriously loved you’re web-site. Likely I’m likely to bookmark your blog post . You amazingly come with good articles. Bless you for sharing with us your blog.

  3. I am starting a Virtual assistant business and would like to start building a website that can expand with me. I am on a very limited income so I need to start it for next to no money upfront. Please help..

  4. Can a blog really be that helpful? What type of content should a business blog have? If there are any blog experts out there please help me out. What are some good companies to set up a blog with? And any other general/specific information on setting up a blog for a business….

  5. Pingback: nische

  6. When someone writes an piece of writing he/she keeps the idea of a user in his/her mind that how a user can know it. So that’s why this piece of writing is perfect. Thanks!

  7. Pingback: iTunes

  8. Apple now has Rhapsody as an app, which is a great start, but it is currently hampered by the inability to store locally on your iPod, and has a dismal 64kbps bit rate. If this changes, then it will somewhat negate this advantage for the Zune, but the 10 songs per month will still be a big plus in Zune Pass’ favor.

  9. Pingback: Giochi e Tempo Libero

  10. Hello, I just hopped over to your web site via StumbleUpon. Not somthing I would typically read, but I liked your views none the less. Thanks for making some thing worthy of reading through.

  11. Pingback: Air Conditioning Fort Lauderdale

  12. Just I had been in search of something like this! They had written the work regarding university as well as essential several data, yet this sort of tested. A pal became a connection to the web site. Because of the dog and also to a person I had been able to conclude our research! Thank you!

  13. Pingback: Organic skin products

  14. You can uncover quite a few various kinds of levels you get with the LA Weight reduction eating strategy each and every 1 could be vital. Extremely stage would be the factual throwing away of this extra pounds. la weight loss

  15. Pingback: fast payday loans online

  16. Pingback: Buy youtube subscribers

  17. Pingback: derapbisnis.com

  18. Pingback: plastic surgeon phoenix

  19. Pingback: VMware ESXi Veeam

  20. Pingback: ANKARA WEB TASARIM

  21. Commonly When i softly research distinct webpages, trying to find a thing intriguing during fatigue to boredom. However, when I found your personal article, My spouse and i believed swamped in the earth. If you don’t more advanced than appropriate! Extremely, good luck!

  22. An additional issue is that video games are typically serious anyway with the key focus on understanding rather than enjoyment. Although, it comes with an entertainment element to keep your children engaged, every game will likely be designed to focus on a specific expertise or program, such as math or scientific discipline. Thanks for your posting.

  23. Pingback: b2b

  24. Pingback: Insulation

  25. Pingback: Anti aging Calgary

  26. Pingback: online profits

  27. Pingback: adrian morrison linkedin

  28. Pingback: online profits

  29. Pingback: financial freedom

  30. Pingback: investing

  31. Pingback: Kitchen Appliances

  32. Pingback: Walk in Freezer

  33. Pingback: Tutor Florence German

  34. Pingback: Polydactyly

  35. Pingback: nasal polyps treatment

  36. Pingback: St. Petersburg

  37. I am now not sure where you are getting your information, but good
    topic. I must spend some time finding out much more or understanding more.
    Thank you for great information I was looking for this information for my mission.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *