Super Bowl XLVII

 

When it comes to football, I have very specific methods of picking what team is going to win. Usually it involves how nice the uniforms are (which is why the Bengals are my favorite team), but today I want to get this right, so I did some scientific research (googled who was playing), and have this play-by-play about who could win Super Bowl XLVII.

WHY THE RAVENS COULD WIN:
Ravens are small, but they have sharp beaks. According to Wikipedia, they can live for up to 21 years in the wild, which I would assume means that they are pretty health-conscious. Also, they mate for life, so I’m guessing they are valuable team members.

Super Bowl Raven
I’m not sure how a Raven would kick a football, since they are about the same size. Imagining them in cleats is adorable, and I assume about three of them would fit into a standard NFL helmet. Too amusing.

Here is a sample play for the Ravens (if they hired me as coach):
Super Bowl Play
Wow, it’s really hard to draw plays on Paint. Moving on …

WHY THE 49erS COULD WIN:
Not to be specie-est, but, let’s face it, the 49ers are humans. They spend most of their time digging for gold or pioneering the West, so they are in good shape. Also: overalls.

Super Bowl 49er
The 49ers clearly have the dedication and drive to win, even though they might have a hard time catching the ravens (in flight). With the right padding, I think they could stave off bird flu and beak cuts. Worse comes to worse, they can utilize their digging gear.

Super Bowl Play 2I mean, based on my scientific research, I think both teams have a fairly decent shot. However, I have concluded, without a doubt, who is really going to win today:

Super Bowl Beyonce
Duh.

57 thoughts on “Super Bowl XLVII

  1. Miss Christina,

    While I believe in your Scientific Research to prognosticate and divine the winner of last nights competition. There are a few variables which you might not have considered. The 49ers which didn’t find their pot of gold found solace in alcohol and prostitutes, also many 49ers had diseases due to the poor working conditions which they subjected themselves to. Miss Beyonce though clearly a winner, might in time not be. Her choice of clothing left her open to mosquito bites aplenty, her health might be in question in the days to come, thought I hope she survives this biological hazard. What can I say about the Ravens except to mention the Edgar Allan Poe Potential and a quote from The Raven, “Nevermore”, which I can only assume meant their intent to deny the 49ers a 6th SuperBowl. Thank you for this thought provoking post dear lady, I look forward with rapt anticipation to what you will post in the near future. smiles

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