Valentine’s Day(tes)

Are you too poor? Too rich? Completely uncreative? Well, here are some ideas for Valentine’s Day (and night) dates that can fit all any and all of your needs!

Valentines Day Heart

If you are really poor:
make her a card
pick flowers from a public garden
offer her Nutella straight from the jar
go for a romantic stroll
stay in and watch candles flicker
stay in and watch a movie
stay in and play truth or dare
slow dance in the living room
give her your childhood teddy bear
use all the leftovers in your fridge to make a “feast”
look at the stars
spend a lot of time looking for stars beyond all the pollution
recite poetry
recite Cher lyrics
whisper sweet nothings … for the whole day

If you are really rich:
buy her a diamond
buy her a kitten
buy her a diamond studded kitten
buy a portable chocolate fountain
buy a giant expensive dinner that will make both of you sick
buy a limo
buy one of those planes that can pull words
buy season tickets to the opera
buy a yacht and name it after her
buy her a gift certificate for Botox
buy all the Hallmark cards
buy her a night with Cher
buy an exclusive cd of Ryan Gosling whispering sweet nothings

If you are feeling creative:
get matching tattoos
stage a gigantic fake fight in public
make mashed potato statues in each others’ likeness(es)
make cake, secret ingredient: locks of your loved one’s hair
knit matching sweaters
Edward Champagne Hands
sneak into someone’s pool
try to make contact with the spirit world
choreograph a dance about your relationship
hunt your dinner together

BONUS ROUND
If you are going on a first date:
go directly to jail; do not pass go, do not collect $200

If you are nervous she might dump you:
act like a huge douchebag (swoon)

If you are allergic to flowers:
don’t buy flowers

If you are homeless:
yikes, sorry about that

If you are tone deaf:
sing like nobody’s listening and pray that, really, nobody’s listening

If you are celebrating a big anniversary:
congratulations!!!!!!!

If you are single:
TREAT. YOUR. SELF.

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