I Asked for Burning Questions …

Thank you so much for all of your suggestions for what to write about in the month of July. Here are some burning questions (from Wade — thanks, Wade!) that I gathered from the comments. With burning answers to match:

1. Contrast and compare European Catholicism of the 17th century to that of today, please provide a comprehensive bibliography for all sources.

In the 17th century, the Pope could form militias (and did, against the Turks). There was a lot of missionary work going on in China and also in Ethopia where conversions started a civil war. Fail. The Church made a bunch of decisions about Mary, like whether or not she ever sinned and/or picked her nose.

Catholicism today sometimes involves guitars. There is still a pope, and he can speak Spanish. Also, if you want, you can buy t-shirts that say “Mary is My Home Girl.”

Bibliography.

2. What are your favorite socks and why are they your favorite socks, if possible provide a photographic representation of aforementioned socks.

I hate socks. Even when I was living in England and it was wet and cold and terrible outside, I would avoid socks at all costs. Here is photographic representation of aforementioned (hatred of) socks:

I hate socks.
3. Why does back pain give both numbness and pain, at the same time? Why?

Because every rose has its thorn. Just like every night has its dawn. Just like every cowboy sings his same sad old song, every rose has its thorn.

4. If you had to pick a color for the day time sky other than blue, what would it be?

Periwinkle.

5. So if you don’t go to bed, do you still get morning breath? Please practice this and give results.

YES. Morning breath still occurs, but luckily, in a zombie state you won’t smell yourself. (WARNING: This does not prevent OTHERS from smelling your odors.)

Morning Breath
I practiced getting non-sleep-related morning breath all the time in college. I think no matter how alert your mind stays when you pull an all-nighter, you still become a wheezing mouth-breather around 3 am. That’s just plain science. Keeping your mouth open for long periods of time allows smelly bacteria to make camp on your tongue, eventually migrating to your teeth where they start laying astro turf. Hence, why your breath smells like road kill, even if you didn’t get a single snooze in.

6. Were the first cameras fitted with round film to match the lenses?

The first cameras didn’t have any film because they were just hollowed out logs that dinosaurs pointed at each other. More bibliography.

7. Can an unshelled peanut, that you might get at the supermarket, if planted grow into a peanut tree or bush or whatever the heck peanuts come from?

Probably not. I have tried to grow so many plants from seeds from peaches, avocados, and refried beans and not a single one has worked. Plus, I read here that most unshelled peanuts are boiled before they get sold, so they can’t have babies.

8. In a neapolitan ice cream filled world, why is strawberry always the last to go?

Because strawberry is the grossest flavor. Everyone eats chocolate and vanilla, secretly hoping that a burglar will come in the night and steal the strawberry so they don’t have to eat it. It only helps that strawberry, the flavor that was voted Most Likely to Remind You of Traumatic Childhood Medicine Experiences, is pink. So people also want to look at it the longest. It’s a strange combination of revulsion and attraction. Kind of like how everyone feels about Selena Gomez.

Do YOU have a burning question? Leave it in a comment below and you could see it answered right here on this very blog!
Also, thanks my favorite paint app, YouDoodle, for helping me demonstrate my hatred for socks and the extremity of my morning breath.

3 thoughts on “I Asked for Burning Questions …

  1. I vehemently oppose your position on strawberry ice cream. It being the last to go is clearly a symptom of everything that is wrong in this country.

  2. Thank you Dear Answer Lady for the obvious time and energies which you parted with to create this multimedia presentation. It was more than I ever hoped or even dreamed it would be. I am now a person with knowledge, which can now be shared with the unlearned with which I spend my days. smiles and happiness

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