An Open Letter to Lil Wayne

[This post contains crude language and some crazed lady-ranting. I’m not apologizing. I’m just saying.] Dear Mr. Wayne, Last week, a friend sat me down and insisted I listen to what he deemed “the most misogynistic song to ever exist.” While I usually don’t go out of my way to listen to music that will make […]

In Defense of Redheads

I have been dyeing my hair since I was twelve, and it has been the following colors: brown, light brown, dark brown, black, blonde, “dishwater” blonde, really blonde, white, Lizzie McGuire-yellow, crayon-yellow, orange, oops-orange, lavender, pink, and red. And I can say, without a doubt, that redheads are the MOST discriminated against, by far. This […]

Who I Am

Overshare Alert, but I have been going through so many changes lately. I don’t even mean my voice — I’m pretty sure that’s just about over. Any second now. My beautiful friend gave me some incredible advice when I was upset about heart-hurting earlier this week. She said, “Don’t hung up on what you are not. […]

Sporknotes: Black Swan

This time last year, I tried to get a blog off the ground that would do what spark notes does: explain things you should probably know as a “cultured” human being in an understandable way. Except Sporknotes, my poor little brainchild, would be so much more! I had plans to sum up current events, movies, mythologies, […]

Ask Me How I’m Feeling: Grey Gardens

The Little Version I discovered the phenomenon that is Grey Gardens today, over thirty years too late, and this is how I feel: If you don’t know about Grey Gardens, I have provided a nifty explanation of my findings down below in “The Big Version” of my discovery. In short, this is what I learned […]

Things You Should Hear More Often

Do you use whitening toothpaste? Your skin looks flawless. I thought you must run or lift weights or something. Your arms look skinny. I wish I could pull off those pants. [This can mean two things.] He will never get over you. How did you manage to straighten your hair when you have to wake […]

Ask Me How I’m Feeling: iPhone 5

Do you hear that? That strange, distant clicking? It is the sound of the entire world … pre-ordering the new iPhone. As a proud owner of a dumb phone (the kind that can’t even participate in group texts, poor thing), it would take a major innovation to convince me to make the change over to […]